“I cannot do this anymore, this struggle I feel inside of me, the insatiable emptiness, the chest pain, the rejection, the betrayals. I can’t handle it anymore; I want to give up!” These thoughts ran through my head as lightning crashes against my heart, I could feel myself submerged in a deep depression. I wanted to surrender, leave everything behind since I felt nothing was worth going through what I felt. Meanwhile I was crying with my knees on the floor, I sought for a solution that I could not solve by myself, until once in my pain, I plead to God: “If you exist, take this away from me!” And He did...
Have we ever felt that way? Thinking that nothing was worth it and that we could just leave everything to go elsewhere. What happens to that time we spend thinking in the emptiness we feel, that we may even feel hatred towards ourselves, feeling like nothing can satisfy that hollowness? What do we do then? It was during this time that I experienced the meaning of an outcry (Clamor in Spanish). A “clamor” (in Spanish) reflects affliction, grief, anguish or desolation[i]. It is during these situations, when we call unto God, that we can obtain His answer.
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you
Nonetheless, when we push things aside because we are focusing on our pain, we cannot visualise the reality of our environment. Yet, when we call to God with a sincere heart, He answers our prayers and takes away our pain. For when we seek Him, we enter His presence and we can feel His strength and the fullness of His love.
Contrasting God’s love, depression, sadness, discouragement, and grief come to attack our identity as children of God. If we meditate on the reason why we have certain thoughts of frustration, incapacity, and stagnation it is because our enemy wants us to not keep working towards our purpose and the fulfilment of our calling. However, when we recognise God as our Lord and we acknowledge Him as our God, He renews our strength and He also blesses us by satisfying our needs.
Psalm 145:14, 16 (NKJV)
14 The Lord upholds all who fall,
And raises up all who are bowed down.
16 You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.
Frequently when we are depressed, we feel we are being punished with something we do not deserve, perhaps with something we could not control, or that something that hurt us and caused us pain. But that is why we need to focus on God’s perfect love and let Him wrap us in His wings and let Him be our refuge. Once we seek Him, He will show us the route to follow.
Psalm 142:3 (GNT)
3 When I am ready to give up,
he knows what I should do.
Additionally, whenever we think we are ready to give up, if we look for Him, He will let us know what is the best solution. There may even be occasions when we feel alone and that nobody is on our side or maybe, that no one understands us. Or we may even feel frightened for what we feel, but only in the presence of God we can find His rest and cast out any fear that could be harming us.
1 John 4:18 (GNT)
18 There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.
Equally, we could say that when we are being perfected in His love, we are transitioning from one stage to another of our lives. For anything that is aiming for perfection must undergo through a process, a series of stages, levels of transition in order to reach the final phase of perfection. So, those things that afflicted us, hurt us, that we thought we could not handle, come to transform us. And once we call unto God, we are able to hear His answer. As a consequence, pain comes to bring transformation into our lives to fulfil a divine calling. Once we direct our path to our purpose, we can align to His will, and we continue in the process of renovation for the eternal fulfilment of our calling in God.
Even when we feel that what we are doing may not have much sense, or perhaps we do not feel the support we desire or we may feel without direction or a goal, our Lord tells us that we need to renovate our mind to find His will. For when we are focusing in our feelings and thoughts we are judging ourselves, but… is this true?
Ephesians 4:23-24 Amplified Bible (AMP)
23 and be continually renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh, untarnished mental and spiritual attitude], 24 and put on the new self [the regenerated and renewed nature], created in God’s image, [godlike] in the righteousness and holiness of the truth [living in a way that expresses to God your gratitude for your salvation].
Hence, when we focus on the truth, we realise that we are the image of God and that He has granted us the weapons to fight and overcome any thoughts that do not come from Him.
Romans 8:37 (NIV)
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Hence, knowing that we are more than conquerors through Him and that we are created in His image, let’s not allow the external noise, lies, and judgements against His reality overwhelm us with thoughts far away from His nature. Let’s renew our minds in His presence and remember that He will show us the path of life so we can live with His truth. “You will show me the path that leads to life; your presence fills me with joy and brings me pleasure forever.” (Psalm 16:11, GNT)
And if you have not accepted our Lord Jesus in your heart, or you want to reconcile your relationship with Him, I urge you to do it today and pray the following prayer out loud:
“Lord Jesus, I ask you for forgiveness of my sins, for my sins separate me from you. I recognize you as my only, sufficient and truthful Saviour. I break every covenant with the world, with the flesh and with the enemy. I give you thanks for the sacrifice in the cross. I know if I were to die today, I will be in your arms. Amen.”
If you prayed this prayer today, write to me at kltapiahernandez@gmail.com, I would love to hear from you. And if this edified you, please share it with someone else. We are a family in Christ and we are here to help each other out. May God bless you!
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